"Anti-Semitism is nothing but the antagonist attitude produced in non-Jews by the Jewish group. This is a normal social reaction."- Albert Einstein

 

It's 2016 and Anti-Semitism still exists, in other news I'm writing this with a type writer

 

It's safe to say I didn't like Ken Livingstone in the first place. So fair play to him, he's managed to make me hate him even more, which is an achievement worthy of a party that's not exactly had a good time with anti-Semitism. Well now I hear you say: is it anti-Semitism or anti-Zionism? In reply, I would ask: Why are we asking these questions when those who are asking the question are the ones that clearly made the offensive comments in the first place, and are trying to avoid prosecution whilst waving a white flag protruding from their oversized gobs?

 

Am I being cynical? Yes. Would anyone? Probably. In a world that insults more people on the internet than Donald Trump has racist quips, I find it more appropriate to laugh than cry, whilst simultaneously crying internally into a eternal pool of my own tears. The person I find that should gain the most credibility out of this whole debate is John Bercow, who whilst has one of the most powerful positions in the Houses of Parliament and directly responded to Naz Shah's apology, only said "Thank You". Lets just say if I was in his position Naz would have been lucky to escape the premises without some Mr. Burns style attack dogs chasing her out. So credit to him as he has full control of himself, which is ironically the exact problem Mr. Corbyn has.

 

With the natural outcry against Livingstone and Shah leading to respective bans, because common sense, Corbyn has, well, not done much. Perhaps a pretentious internet dweller at this point would remark: "What else can he do?" in a clear attempt to give me a face palm so big you could call it a cave afterwards. When the world found out about the atrocities of the holocaust, I don't think the likes of Churchill, Truman, (maybe not Stalin) would have said: "Oh well, happens all the time here." Corbyn's not exactly condoning their actions, by any means, but he's in a situation where he can condemn them, like one should do in a situation where they have more common sense than a monkey who's been oxygen starved for the last 4 weeks e.g. Ted Cruz.

 

Being a Tottenham fan (and if you don't know why that's relevant look up: "Tottenham yid" into Google and let your internet history forever be scarred with the insight you have discovered.) I know that this debate is sensitive, but if 36,000 fans chant "Yid Army" week in week out and aren't arrested for it, then I know where the line is. Or A LINE for that matter. Because let's face it, there is no bigger line than the line between the train and the platform, in which you get your leg stuck in and are forever stuck in excruciating pain until a merciless Arsenal fan finishes you off. Merry Christmas everyone (I know it's April, but it did snow where I live for five seconds in which heaven was on earth (sorry for cringe)).

 

Jordan Ifield (I'm sorry if I have offended anyone in the course of reading this article, but if you know me as I know you, I wouldn't care as I don't know.) 

"The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat."- Albert Einstein

Ian Duncan Smith- Devil, angel or just Tory?

Knowing that the Conservatives were going to rip each others throats out like they were rugby players at the Six Nations was more obvious than you reading this article out of sheer boredom from that work you should really be doing. But hey, I'm procrastinating too, so join the club and buy yourself a daily dose of political suicide. And what type of political suicide do you mean, I hear you ask, so here's my portrayal of it: Imagine someone jumping off a roof, landing on their feet and surviving, only to laugh at the people that pushed you. The only difference is if you think that Mr Giddy pushed the devil or an angel, and as much as that is subjective, the fact is he's gone.
Whoop de fucking doo.

Now as far as everyone is concerned the Tories were going to commit suicide after the EU referendum anyway, it was just the question if they could survive until the next election in 2020, which they weren't going to win anyway. Being a political party is tough, and for every one compliment you get, you get two angry MP's ripping your testicles off, so to say that the Tories will not win in 2020 should be nothing controversial, but it will be knowing the sensitivity of the public. Whoop de doo. But that's not the point, Mr Smith has resigned and now our Lord and Messiah Mr Cameron has a bigger hole to fill than North Korea's nuclear arsenal.

The facts to the resignation were at first quite simple to understand, no smoke and mirrors. Leaving the Cabinet on the news that £4 billion of cuts were to be made to the Disability Benefits Budget. His resignation was almost popular, and as I'm still writing this, is still popular enough to actually get on the Andrew Marr Show, which is quite something when the best thing he is known for is the fist pump he did on the announcement of the new minimum wage. And if you now want to politically correct me and say it is officially called a "living wage", then fine do so, but let me tell you that whilst it may be politically correct it is also as practically incorrect as saying fire extinguishes water.

Looking into the resignation further, I unfortunately had to cross the minefields that are the rumours and speculation, which are more often than not less advertising than the tomato ketchup you find in cheap kebab shops which suspiciously look like blood of your recently missing pet dog. One interesting "rumour" however is that his resignation was based on his opinion on leaving the EU. But then again, isn't everything to do with the EU nowadays? That's the problem I have with this argument, note I called it "interesting", not true or likely so. There are more obvious ways to declare your support in favour of leaving the EU, leaving the Cabinet only weakens the party (which he is still part of) and the government it controls. And furthermore he's been part of the government that has planned this budget, a leading role at that, so whilst I find his resignation pleasing and sweet, it's also stained by the fact that he helped orchestrate it, much like that tomato ketchup.

So, devil, angel or Tory? Calling him Tory would be true, but not annoying enough and the Devil has already be automatically allocated to Giddy Osborne. That rather unfortunately leaves me with angel, which no politician deserves on crimes against humanity. A cross over is needed between devil and angel, which is annoying but not satanic. I hereby proclaim Ian Duncan Smith a Jehovah's witness, forever condemned to knocking on people's doors to remind people why there is no earthly power beside the Lord and Messiah himself: Mr Cameron.

Jordan Ifield (being a Tory MP must be like Edward Scissor Hands, everything you touch is a cut)