"The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat."- Albert Einstein

Ian Duncan Smith- Devil, angel or just Tory?

Knowing that the Conservatives were going to rip each others throats out like they were rugby players at the Six Nations was more obvious than you reading this article out of sheer boredom from that work you should really be doing. But hey, I'm procrastinating too, so join the club and buy yourself a daily dose of political suicide. And what type of political suicide do you mean, I hear you ask, so here's my portrayal of it: Imagine someone jumping off a roof, landing on their feet and surviving, only to laugh at the people that pushed you. The only difference is if you think that Mr Giddy pushed the devil or an angel, and as much as that is subjective, the fact is he's gone.
Whoop de fucking doo.

Now as far as everyone is concerned the Tories were going to commit suicide after the EU referendum anyway, it was just the question if they could survive until the next election in 2020, which they weren't going to win anyway. Being a political party is tough, and for every one compliment you get, you get two angry MP's ripping your testicles off, so to say that the Tories will not win in 2020 should be nothing controversial, but it will be knowing the sensitivity of the public. Whoop de doo. But that's not the point, Mr Smith has resigned and now our Lord and Messiah Mr Cameron has a bigger hole to fill than North Korea's nuclear arsenal.

The facts to the resignation were at first quite simple to understand, no smoke and mirrors. Leaving the Cabinet on the news that £4 billion of cuts were to be made to the Disability Benefits Budget. His resignation was almost popular, and as I'm still writing this, is still popular enough to actually get on the Andrew Marr Show, which is quite something when the best thing he is known for is the fist pump he did on the announcement of the new minimum wage. And if you now want to politically correct me and say it is officially called a "living wage", then fine do so, but let me tell you that whilst it may be politically correct it is also as practically incorrect as saying fire extinguishes water.

Looking into the resignation further, I unfortunately had to cross the minefields that are the rumours and speculation, which are more often than not less advertising than the tomato ketchup you find in cheap kebab shops which suspiciously look like blood of your recently missing pet dog. One interesting "rumour" however is that his resignation was based on his opinion on leaving the EU. But then again, isn't everything to do with the EU nowadays? That's the problem I have with this argument, note I called it "interesting", not true or likely so. There are more obvious ways to declare your support in favour of leaving the EU, leaving the Cabinet only weakens the party (which he is still part of) and the government it controls. And furthermore he's been part of the government that has planned this budget, a leading role at that, so whilst I find his resignation pleasing and sweet, it's also stained by the fact that he helped orchestrate it, much like that tomato ketchup.

So, devil, angel or Tory? Calling him Tory would be true, but not annoying enough and the Devil has already be automatically allocated to Giddy Osborne. That rather unfortunately leaves me with angel, which no politician deserves on crimes against humanity. A cross over is needed between devil and angel, which is annoying but not satanic. I hereby proclaim Ian Duncan Smith a Jehovah's witness, forever condemned to knocking on people's doors to remind people why there is no earthly power beside the Lord and Messiah himself: Mr Cameron.

Jordan Ifield (being a Tory MP must be like Edward Scissor Hands, everything you touch is a cut)