"I never said most of the things I said"- Yogi Berra

 

To Trump or not to Trump? Typical British rant on Republicans... 
 

Studying American politics, I should start participating in the field, as in writing blogs. But if I have learnt anything in the subject, it is that their politics are very bipartisan. If I were to put a liberal Democrat (not to be confused with the yellow dodos in the UK) and a tea party Republican in the same room and let them out after half hour, you'd be left with the Republican, as he already shot the Democrat half hour ago. But my point is that putting anything about US politics on the magical internet is a bit like serving yourself to a pack of elephants and donkeys on a silver platter with a Communist flag on my arse. So, here's to another day I hopefully survive.

It's hard talking about the Republican presidential candidacy without the Lord Trump, soon to be the anti-Christ in the UK. Now don't get me wrong, this blog isn't going to be a rant against Trump, it's against everyone. But you know you've gone too far when even the Republican party say you've gone too far. Proposing to ban Muslims from entering your country is borderline Hitler's early policies on Jews, which again, from a Republican is bad. But this is Trump's tactics, the old phrase being that there is no such thing as "bad publicity". I think the last time I used that phrase was when Call of Duty were promoting their new "fish AI", providing quite a good metaphor for Trump right there in the fact that he's all mouth and no trousers. Or all fish and no "blub blub".

"Back in my day we just got given an orange for Christmas"

The significance of the Trump is nothing in the scale of things, but he won't, and probably now can't win the Republican candidacy. Starting a new country after British tyrannical rule, the Founding Fathers were a bit complacent when it came to parties and their elections, than again this came from the same people that can't even have a tea party without a war. That's why it's needlessly complicated, but in conclusion it's an indirect form of voting in the US-of-A as voters vote for a delegate, which in turn (are expected to, but not compulsory to) vote on their behalf for that candidate at that party's National Convention. The problem for Sir Elephant Trumpet is that his national endorsement is low, and whilst some polls are big on the big man, the momentum he has to sustain in such a diverse contest might lead him to realise he's bitten off more than he can chew, which for him would be an achievement.

And that's what narrows the Republican presidential candidates down to 2 in my books. Trump & Carson have the same tactic and problem, they're relying on controversy to gain votes *slip Hitler quip here*. Jeb Bush is relying on his name and his fundraising, so that's two things American's don't want to see in the White House, a Bush with too much money. Rand Paul needs to shut his mouth from filibustering more than Chris Christie shuts bridges. So that leaves Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, which for me is like deciphering what's better, syphilis or TB? Nah, they're just too similar, although I did see that Cruz had a "National Prayer team". I don't know what that is, you're guess is as good as mine, but mine might be them praying for those killed by unnecessary gun violence in the USA. There you go America, that's what I think, no if you excuse me I don't think I have enough iron bars on my windows to protect me from those radicalised ISIS members in Birmingham.

Jordan Ifield (Merry Christmas by the way)

Honesty is never seen sitting astride the fence- Lemuel K. Washburn

 

Syria- Bombs away, if you like it or not

 

You know me, I never like sitting on the fence and I never usually post more than once a week. But considering I took a break last week, and Syria is dominating the political news like Boris Johnson tackled a Japanese schoolboy to the ground, again, I thought adding my hat into the ring wouldn't be too much of an issue. And like my last post I find it hard to be funny, how is war funny? Unless you're Blackadder and are eating rat droppings for dinner. But this time I can actually laugh at someone: the entire Houses of Parliament.

 

If there was something inevitable yesterday, it was going to be that Syria air strikes were going to be voted through. I can imagine Daving Cameron lying in bed last night and thinking to himself: now I can resign and wait for Chilcot to write another enquiry into the deaths of innocent civilians, and ironically reveal it on Cameron's deathbed. You would have thought that would give away my opinion on these airstrikes, but my mind is actually more confused than John Lewis were when they realised their Christmas advert just got out done by a cat with accident tendencies (credit: Sainsbury's).

 

Here's what the solutions are in my head of fog:
*tory puppet glove: Bomb Syria!- and all the innocent civilians will of course love you for that won't they...
*tory puppet glove: But what about all the terrorists?- maybe you should find a way to kill them without killing the rest of the Middle East in the process, because you're currently proposing that it will be so bombed and black in ruin that God would eat the area as toast for breakfast.

 

*1/2 split/decapitated labour puppet glove: Don't bomb Syria! Negotiate with them to find peace!- I agree with half of that at the least, that's probably the best praise I've ever given to anyone on this blog.  But peace? Okay, I'd like to see Jeremy Corbyn try and negotiate a peace treaty with ISIS (yes Cameron, I said it again!) who make a living out of beheading and throat cutting. Plane's boarding for Syria in 15 minutes Mr Corbyn, still want to jump aboard?

 

*SNP: We'll follow Labour into anything to show a "point", and go against air strikes. Oh and while we're at it...- IF YOU MENTION INDEPENDENCE AGAIN I'M GOING TO LOSE IT. Nah, I'm probably giving less credit to the SNP than they deserve, but their "goody-two shoes" politics is starting to wear thin. They don't want air strikes because they want to stop all the wars in the world, we all want that. But sometimes you have to bite the bullet and actually understand the other argument rather than just say "IT'S WRONG!" and sit back down again thinking you're the next William Wallace.

 

Whilst this is a broad exaggeration of what happened, there was no viable alternative. I've heard the argument to give arms and financial support to the Kurd's and Free Syrian Army. But in a perhaps extremist view, al-Qaeda was founded by Arab volunteers fighting against the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in the 1980's. And I'm pretty sure we don't want that again, even if it is only a possibility. Finally there is a full scale invasion, which is about as preposterous as it gets, I don't even think Tony Blair would vote for such a thing if he was still an MP. Chilcot will have to work overtime, which is something not even I can imagine. As the messiah Ian Hislop said a couple of weeks ago, all he needs to write in his enquiry is thus: BLAIR IS GUILTY.

 

Jordan Ifield (for once I don't have an opinion on something, might ask that for Christmas . No, not Christmas bombings!)

"More than just an end to war, we want an end to the beginnings of all wars"- Franklin D. Rossevelt

 

An end to all wars... Again

I don't like using the above title, apart from it's obvious impossibility, but the way in which some perceive it to be realistic. After the Paris attacks just over two weeks ago, the knee jerk reaction was hardly going to be subtle, but I don't think we need another Iraq. No one needs another Iraq. Especially Tony Blair. I've had many debates on this issue, and not for the first time, I was the odd one out. I don't know what the hell we should do. Black tar stuck on mud is clearer, as I wander into the dark asking every now and then: "When's the debate happening?"

On such a sensitive subject war should surely be a "free vote", which judging by Corbyn and Cameron's response, will actually happen. But as always, this never tells the full story, a bit like being given a promise by the Tories, you never know what's actually going to happen. To my mind at least, the vote will only result in more bombings in Syria, in the same way the world keeps turning. Another reaction to an event. Never preventing. I hear arguments on peace, bombings, funding the Kurds etc... But history has show cased all these examples before. And these all contribute to ISIS. Yes Mr Cameron, I did use the term ISIS with no "so-called", give me a five year prison sentence now, but only if your colleague Mrs. May gets one too for trying to find out what I look up on the internet at three o'clock in the morning.

 

All this talk of a two day talk is driving my nut in, quite literally. Alex Salmond is like sandpaper to my ears and when I heard about him unveiling a portrait of himself rather than attend a meeting about military action in Syria, I was genuinely pleased. This isn't to do with the Scottish Independence Referendum, it's about the fact that he doesn't take anything Syriaously (credit to Harry Freeman). When he was First Minister he sounded more like an SNP puppet more than an individual, dictating that Scottish independence is the only way forward in a world full of British tyrannical rule, much like innocent school children have to put up with loose Scottish kilts showing them something I can't describe without a court order. But now that common sense has prevailed, the same problems occurred, Salmond still trumpets the independence flag, calling another referendum over more pressing issues e.g. Syria. He told the press he attended a separate meeting and briefing from security officials and joint chiefs about the situation in Syria, but then again who hasn't, he might as well have watched FOX News and got the same picture.

 

Thankfully however, the final decision is unlikely to come down to the SNP, or any talking fish (Salmond and Sturgeon) people for that matter. But it will come down to everyone in the House of Commons, which I'm not exactly hopeful for, it's a bit like wishing for Santa to be real: you know all you're child life that he is, until the left wing white bearded man losses his red coat and dons a top hat with a blue pair of scissors.

 

Jordan Ifield (War, what is it good for? Thatcher? Oh...)