"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."- Frank Zappa

Scottish Labour- The new William Wallace?

Do you want nuclear disarmament? Do you want a working NHS? Are you Scottish? Well if you aren't a member of the SNP by now I can safely call you a miracle. The problem is that statement isn't even hyperbolic, it's true, something Scottish Labour haven't got their heads round. I can remember seeing the General Election results come through and realising that Labour got the same amount of seats in Scotland as the Tories, how badly can Labour do? Appoint another Miliband?!

Apparently Labour have got the message. The Scottish Independence Referendum should have been a big wake up call to the parties saying: HEY, LOOK AT US, WE HAVE YOUR NUKES (among other things). But Labour haven't unified themselves at all, as was demanded, itself it has decided to divide itself as 70% of Scottish Labour voted to scrap Trident, something which the English Labour (or tea drinking toss pots in the eyes of the SNP) don't support. But maybe I'm being too cynical, maybe Martyr Corbyn will save the hippy dream, driving down memory lane in a VW campervan with a strange looking gas coming out the window.

Even to the SNP Corbyn looks good as an alternative, in the same way I hold the Lib Dems as an alternative, by letting you down when you get your hopes up. The main flaw with Corbyn is perhaps not down to him, but his predecessors. Blair's New Labour may have been "new", but it changed the identity of the party beyond recognition in Scotland, why have another right wing party when they already have the Tories ruining their kilts and NHS. But at the time of New Labour there was no alternative, it was vote for Labour, plug your eyes in whilst singing and hope all the nasty Iraq War questions go away, or vote Tory and face a mob outside your front door the next day. Now the SNP are in, and they really are IN now aren't they, Labour are panicking as if Ed Miliband knocked on their door looking for his "EdStone".

So does this vote bear any significance? No, Nicola Sturgeon is still laughing at her large election win, and then crying over how it screwed Labour up so much, meaning she has much chance of changing anything in England as I do writing satirical blogs and making you pant at the length of this long sentence. With no referendum or election coming up in the foreseeable future, I'm afraid this argument will have to be shelved until the EU referendum, promised only until the Chilcot enquiry is finished by reckoning, meaning never. Scottish Labour: the New William Wallace? Yeah, sounds about right. Hung, drawn and quartered with no immediate significance.

Jordan Ifield (If Scottish Labour really wanted to make an impact they should disband)

Scrap Trident you say? I'll do it, if I win beard of the year competition again